Pastorear el Corazón Sesión 6 - Vivir Alegremente Bajo la Autoridad

[0:00] In our families. We pray for the work of your Spirit to humble us.!

[0:30] We looked at the idea of obedience. It worked a moment ago, Mike, but I'm not advancing here.

[0:49] There we go. We looked at, could we go to the circle? For some reason I'm not working. If you could click through to the circle, the first circle.

[1:20] We have an inspiration. Okay, there we are. Yeah, we looked at this truth of Ephesians 6.1.

[1:36] That God has called children to honor and obey. So he's given this circle in which children are to live. And the promise is, in the context of the circle, it'll go well with you and you'll enjoy long life.

[1:57] It's a great blessing for our children to live under authority. It's a great blessing for our children to live under authority.

[2:08] I want you to imagine this illustration with me. I want you to imagine this illustration with me. Imagine this massive, this old steam railroad engine. Imagine that big train that is what they use.

[2:22] It weighs 65 tons. It weighs 65 tons. It has these massive steel wheels. And they're designed to ride on a track.

[2:35] And when you get the mass of that locomotive running on the track. And when you get the mass of that locomotive running on the track.

[2:47] It runs with great freedom up and down the track. Very little resistance to rolling. Very little resistance to that can run. It's the very best, it's the way the engine is designed to function.

[3:02] That's how they designed that engine is designed to function. Now imagine someone coming along with this observation. Imagine someone coming along with this observation.

[3:15] I can't believe that they have restricted this locomotive to the tracks. I can't believe that they have restricted that machine that just walk by those rieles.

[3:28] What narrow-minded thinking. Let's liberate locomotives. Let's let them go through the field and through the woods, wherever they want to go.

[3:39] Let's see how they walk through the field and through the woods, wherever they want to go. How free is the locomotive once you've taken it off the tracks? How free is this car to go if they leave the rails?

[3:50] It's going nowhere. No va a ir a ningún lado. See, what God has done is he has laid tracks for our children. What God has done is he has laid tracks for our children. And they will have the greatest freedom as they learn to live, to honor and obey father and mother.

[4:07] And they will have the greatest freedom to obey their father. And that's where they're going to develop in the most healthy ways. That's where they're going to develop habits of living and responding that will be appropriate for them.

[4:27] That's where they will first be confronted with the necessity of obeying the law of God. And to teach our children to obey and honor father and mother is the very best thing we can do for them.

[4:44] Enseñar a nuestros hijos que obedezcan y honren a nuestros padres es lo mejor que podemos hacer con ellos. Now, I want to carry this further with this illustration. Because if we take that circle in mind, we can extend the illustration in this way.

[5:02] That when my children dishonor and disobey father and mother, When my children dishonor and disobey father and mother, They move outside the circle.

[5:17] Ellos se salen del círculo. And they put themselves in a place of great danger. Y se colocan en una posición de mucho peligro. Now, why is that a dangerous place for my children to be?

[5:28] Porque ese es un lugar peligroso donde mis hijos no quisiera que estén. It will not go well with them out there. Porque no les va a ir bien. They will not enjoy long life out there. Ellos no van a disfrutar una vida larga si están ahí afuera.

[5:41] And the function of discipline and correction is to restore them to the circle. La función de la disciplina y de la corrección es que vuelvan de nuevo a estar dentro del círculo. So, discipline and correction is a rescue mission.

[5:55] La corrección disciplinaria es una forma de ayudarles. And it's designed to bring our children out of a place of danger back into a place of safety. Es para que nuestros hijos ya no estén en el lugar de peligro ahí afuera, sino que vuelvan dentro del lugar donde están seguros.

[6:10] Back into the place where it will go well with them and they will enjoy a long life. Al lugar donde ellos van a estar seguros y les va a ir bien. Now, that does marvelous things for discipline and correction. Esto hace cosas maravillosas en cuanto a la corrección.

[6:22] Because it gives you a very positive focus as you discipline your children. Porque le dan un enfoque positivo cuando están disciplinando a sus hijos. So, discipline is not me coming to my children in anger.

[6:37] Disciplinar no es venir donde mis hijos enojados. Discipline is me bringing the reproofs of life to my children. Es traer las reproofs of life to my children.

[6:50] It's a mercy for me to bring discipline. Es una misericordia cuando yo los disciplino. Because that discipline is designed to restore them to the circle. Porque esta disciplina es para que ellos retornen a estar dentro del círculo.

[7:04] So, it's a rescue mission. Es una misión de rescate. And that means I should never come to my children with my teeth bared and full of anger at them.

[7:14] Yo no puedo venir a uno de mis hijos airado con... And I want you to think about this with me. Quiero que piensen acerca de esto junto conmigo.

[7:25] Whenever I'm angry about my children's disobedience... Cada vez que yo estoy enojado en cuanto a la disciplina de mis hijos... No, I'm talking about sinful anger here.

[7:35] No, estoy hablando de una ira pecaminosa. Most parents I know don't struggle with righteous anger. La mayoría de los padres no tienen una ira que es pacífica, que no es pecaminosa.

[7:50] But when I'm sinfully angry with my children... Cuando estoy pecaminosamente airado en contra de mis hijos... That's not about God. Eso no tiene que ver nada con Dios. I personalize their disobedience.

[8:02] Yo estoy personalizando la desobediencia. That's why I'm angry. Por eso es que estoy enojado. And so I'm disciplined out of anger. I've made it about me.

[8:13] It's not about God. Cuando yo estoy enojado, cuando estoy disciplinándolo... Estoy centrando todo en mí, no en Dios. And I'm guilty of Ephesians 6, 4... Of exasperating my children. Y soy culpable de Ephesians 6, 4...

[8:25] Cuando estoy provocando ira a mis hijos. And I think... I also want to mention... There's a very nice gospel connection... We can make with this... With this diagram. Hay una conexión, una ilustración...

[8:35] Cuando hablamos en este diagrama... We can talk to our children about the fact that Jesus... Lived inside the circle for us. Podemos decirle a nuestros hijos...

[8:46] Que Jesucristo estuvo viviendo dentro del círculo por nosotros. And Jesus, as our pastor reminded us this morning, was the God-man... Y como el pastor nos recordó esta mañana...

[8:56] Que Jesucristo fue el hombre-Dios... Completamente Dios... Completamente hombre... Y as God... He came on the Father's mission... To do the Father's will...

[9:07] Y él vino a una misión del Padre... Para cumplir su voluntad... Y como hombre... Él estuvo en completa obediencia al Padre...

[9:20] Él cumplió la ley de Dios por nosotros... So... Christ... Christ... Dwelled inside the circle for us... El Señor Jesús estuvo viviendo dentro del círculo por nosotros...

[9:32] And that's wonderful truth... To bring to your children... In time to discipline... To remind them... Jesus was inside the circle for us...

[9:45] He always did the Father's will... Él siempre hizo la voluntad de su Padre... He obeyed the Father... Lo obedeció al Padre... And Jesus is in the circle... Calling you to be in the circle... Y el Señor Jesús está dentro del círculo...

[9:56] Llamándote a ti a venir... También estar dentro del círculo... So we can always make that gospel connection... In those times of discipline... Cuando le estamos disciplinando a nuestros hijos... Ahora yo le voy a estar hablando...

[10:10] De la disciplina física... Con relación a nuestros hijos... And I know this is a very difficult topic... Y yo sé que ese es un tema bien difícil... And so I want to ask you to give me a hearing...

[10:22] Yo quiero que ustedes me presten atención... And for the next few minutes... Just to drop any resistance you may have to this... And listen to God's word...

[10:34] Y que pongan a un lado... Cualquier resistencia que puedan tener en sus mentes... Para que escuchen lo que tenemos que ver aquí... And in some ways I'm very sympathetic... With the problem people have...

[10:46] With physical discipline of children... Yo me identifico bien claramente... Con los problemas que tienen algunos... En cuanto a la disciplina corporal... De sus hijos... Because... Many... Many of us...

[10:58] Perhaps even some of us in this room... Muchos de nosotros... Quizás algunos de los que están aquí... En esta habitación hoy... Were disciplined in anger... Fueron disciplinados bajo ira... And however...

[11:08] Good your parents' intentions might have been... It was wrong for them to discipline you in anger... Independientemente de cuán buenas intenciones... Sus padres tuvieron... No estaba correcto que los disciplinaran en ira...

[11:19] And sometimes people think... I hated it when my parents... Disciplined me in anger... Y yo... Algunas personas dicen... Yo estaba tan airado... Cuando mis padres me disciplinaban enojados...

[11:30] I don't want to ever do that to my children... Yo no quisiera hacer nunca esto con mis hijos... And so people conclude... I will never lay a hand on them... Y algunas personas concluyen... Ya nunca voy a ponerle las manos a mis hijos...

[11:41] And... But... We cannot fail to obey God... Just because of the potential for abuse...

[11:52] No podemos fracasar en obedecer a Dios... Por un potencial abuso... For example... What is more possibly subject to abuse... More than marriage...

[12:04] ¿Qué pudiera ser más potencialmente... Una situación para abusar... Que el matrimonio? But we don't stop getting married... Pero eso no quiere decir... Que vamos a dejar de casarnos... We just want to have marriages...

[12:15] That are structured in ways... That honor God... And respect God's law... Queremos tener matrimonios... Que honran y respetan a Dios... And my... If I can share our personal story...

[12:26] If I could share our personal story... We came of age... At the end of the 1960s... Al final de los 1960s... And that was the Vietnam War... Protest generation...

[12:37] Esa era la generación... Que estaba protestando... En cuanto a la guerra de Vietnam... And... You know... We were very much... Caught up in the spirit of the age... Y estuvimos ahí...

[12:47] Atrapados en el espíritu del tiempo... Even as Christians... Were far more influenced... By the thought forms... Of that age... Than we should have been... Y aún los cristianos... Estaban siendo influenciados...

[12:58] Por el espíritu de aquella época... And so... When God blessed us... With a little boy... Cuando Dios nos bendijo... Con un baroncito... We determined that we were...

[13:09] We were... Going to let him be a free spirit... And by the time he was two years old... We were in great trouble... Because we had a...

[13:24] Wild and unruly little boy... On our hands... And God in his incredible mercy to us... Brought us under teaching...

[13:34] From God's word... That brought these passages... From Proverbs to us... That brought these passages... From Proverbs to us...

[13:46] It was a series of messages... I think... Must have been four or five of them... Fue una serie de mensajes... Probablemente unos cuatro o cinco... And I dreaded going to church every week... Because I knew what we were going to hear...

[13:57] And I didn't like it... And everything within me... Rebelled against it...

[14:08] Rebelled against it... But I became persuaded... This is what God is calling me to do... But I persuaded... That was what God was calling me to do... And my resistance... To obedience to God...

[14:20] Is wrong... And my resistance... To obedience to God... Is wrong... So I need to... I need to obey... What God is calling me to... I need to obey... What God is calling me to... Now let me look at these passages...

[14:31] With you quickly... And I'll make a couple of comments... I'll make a couple of comments... Proverbs 13... 24...

[14:43] Proverbios 13... 24... He who spares the rod...

[14:54] Hates his son... But he who loves him... Is careful to discipline him... Many times I've taught this...

[15:10] And I've had people... Come with this... Comment to me... Muchas veces... Yo he enseñado esto... Y las personas vienen a mí... Con este comentario... They've said... I just love my kids... Too much to spank them... Ellos me dicen...

[15:20] Oh yo amo a mis hijos... Demasiado para yo... Para yo pegarles... I said... No you love yourself... Too much to spank them... Yo le digo... No ustedes se aman... Ustedes demasiado mismo... A sí mismo... Para disciplinarlos...

[15:31] Because if you are a parent... With normal... Love for your children... Si usted fuera un padre normal... Con amor a sus hijos... The last thing... In the world... You want to do...

[15:42] Is cause discomfort... To your child... Lo último... Que usted quisiera hacer... Es causar... Desconfort... En sus hijos... What this passage is saying... Is that if I love my child...

[15:53] I will discipline him... Lo que me está diciendo... Este pasaje... Es que si yo amo... Verdaderamente a mis hijos... Yo lo voy a disciplinar... I will overcome... That natural aversion... To this... And do what God...

[16:03] Has called me to do... Yo voy a vencer... Esta adversión natural... Que tengo... Voy a hacer lo que Dios... Me manda a que haga... Proverbs 19.18... Proverbios 19.18... Discipline your son...

[16:20] For in that there is hope... Do not be a willing party... To his death... Castiga a tu hijo... En tanto que hay esperanza... Mas no se apresure tu alma...

[16:31] Para destruirlo... Proverbs 22.15... Proverbios 22... 22... 22... 22... 15... 22... 22...15... Folly is bound up...

[16:42] In the heart of a child... But the rod of discipline... Will drive it far from him... La necedad... Está ligada... En el corazón del muchacho... Mas la vara... De la corrección... La alejará de él...

[16:54] Now when... The Bible speaks of folly... It's not talking about... Childishness... When the Bible speaks of... La necedad... No is talking about... Inocency... Infantil...

[17:05] We expect our children... To be childish... We expect them to have... Poor judgment... We expect them to have... Poor judgment... We know they're going to...

[17:17] Spill the milk... At the breakfast table... They're going to... To be childish... In the breakfast table... So the... Folly is not talking about... Childishness... The way the Bible...

[17:32] Uses this term... Is to describe the fool... La palabra que usa aquí... Is para describir a un necio... The fool... Has said in his heart... There is no God... El necio dice in su corazón...

[17:44] No hay Dios... So the fool says... There is no God... El necio dice... No hay Dios... I will do whatever... I want to do... When I want to do it... Yo voy a hacer lo que yo quiera... Cuando yo quiera... No one will rule me...

[17:56] No one is going to tell me... What to do... Nadie me va a decir... Lo que tengo que hacer... I am going to be... I am going to determine... For myself... What I am going to do...

[18:06] Yo voy a determinar... Por mi mismo... Lo que yo quiero hacer... That kind of folly... Is bound up... In the heart of children... Esa necedad... Está en el corazón... De los hijos... Del niño... Sometimes you see it...

[18:17] In even little... Little... Babies... Algunas veces vemos esto... A los niñitos bebitos... You're trying to change... This child's nappy... Ustedes quieren cambiarle...

[18:27] Al niño los... And he's saying to you... Without words... Y este dice sin palabras... You will not change my diaper... Usted no va a cambiar mi pañal... You're going to discover...

[18:38] I have four legs... Six arms... I can roll like I'm on a rotisserie... Tú te vas a dar cuenta... Que yo tengo cuatro... Cuatro extremidades... Y yo me puedo correr...

[18:48] Y desplazarme donde yo quiera... You will not change me... Tú no me vas a cambiar... That kind of folly... Is bound up... In the heart of a child... Esa necedad... Está atada... En el corazón del niño... And you see... Even in little children...

[18:59] This fierce determination... I will not obey you... Y ustedes ven... En esos niños... La determinación... Que le están diciendo... A su padre... Yo no los voy a obedecer... And God tells us...

[19:11] The means of deliverance... Y Dios nos está dando... La forma de cómo... Librarles de esa situación... The rod of discipline... Will drive it far from him... La vara de la corrección... Va a apartar esas cosas... Al corazón del niño...

[19:23] The next one is very similar... Conceptually... La próxima es conceptualmente... Muy similar... It's 23... 13...

[19:34] And 14... 23... 13... 14... Do not withhold discipline... From a child... If you punish him with a rod... He will not die...

[19:44] No rehúses corregir al muchacho... Porque si lo castigas con vara... No morirá... Now he's going to sound... Like he will die... Él va a sonar... Como que si se está muriendo... Ya el niño...

[19:55] But the passage says... He won't die... Pero el pasaje dice... No, él no se va a morir... Actually... What the passage is referring to... Is not the child dying... As a result of the spankies...

[20:05] Lo que el pasaje dice... No que el niño se va a morir... Por la causa de la disciplina... It's referring to... A far more serious death... Than that... Es una serie... Mucho más profunda... Que esta... It says... Discipline him with a rod...

[20:16] And deliver his soul... From death... Disciplínalo con la vara... Y libra su alma... De esa condición... The undisciplined child... El niño que no se disciplina...

[20:27] Who is never confronted... With the necessity... Of obeying God... Que nunca es confrontado... Con la necesidad... De obedecer a Dios... Is on a path... That will lead...

[20:37] To everlasting destruction... Está en el camino... Que lo va a llevar... A la destrucción... Completamente final... And the Bible says... Discipline... Is the means of deliverance... Y la Biblia nos dice...

[20:48] Que la disciplina... Es la forma de librarlo... De esa situación... Proverbs 29... 17... Or 15 and 17... Proverbios 29...

[20:58] 15... Y 17... 15... The rod of correction... Imparts wisdom... But a child left to himself... Disgraces his mother...

[21:10] La vara y la corrección... Dan sabiduría... Mas el muchacho consentido... Avergonzará a su madre... Do you want wise children? Quieren hijos sabios? Discipline...

[21:21] Brings wisdom... La disciplina trae sabiduría... Verse 19... Or 17... Discipline... Discipline your son...

[21:31] And he will give you peace... He will bring delight... To your soul... Corrige a tu hijo... Y te dará descanso... Y dará alegría a tu alma...

[21:43] Now I think... That these passages... Are very clear... Estos pasajes son muy claros... And... I've been struck... Over many years... Of teaching this...

[21:54] He sido impactado... Por todos los años... En los cuales he estado enseñando esto... The number of objections... People will raise... El number of objections... Que las personas levanten... Contra esto... One objection is... Well... Those verses...

[22:04] Are all from the Proverbs... Uno de los objeciones... Esos... Esos... Versículos... Son de los Proverbios... That's wisdom literature... Eso es una literatura... De sabiduría...

[22:14] We don't have to do that... That's just wisdom literature... Eso es una literatura... De sabiduría... No tenemos que hacer eso... I think... Why would I not want to do... What God says is wise... If God says...

[22:26] This is wisdom... I want to follow his wisdom... Si Dios me está diciendo... Que esto es sabiduría... Yo quiero seguir la sabiduría... Entonces... In Colossians 2... It says...

[22:37] See to it... That no one takes you captive... In Colossians 2... It says... Mira que nadie nos tome cautivos... When are captives taken? Captives are taken... During a war...

[22:48] During a war... There's a war... Going on out there... Against Jesus Christ... There's a war... Going on out there... Against God's truth...

[22:58] Captives are being taken... To hollow... And deceptive philosophies... That are rooted...

[23:10] In man's wisdom... And man's traditions... Rather than Christ... If you watch...

[23:22] TV news... You'll hear... Stories about the fact... That children should never... Spank their parents... Spank their children... Parents should never... Spank their children...

[23:33] And... Who are we going to follow?

[23:47] Who are we going to be influenced by? Are we going to be taken captive... To those hollow and deceptive philosophies... that are rooted in where the culture is at the moment.

[24:03] The culture is a flowing stream. It's only the word of God that reads the saints day after day.

[24:17] And that's what can be an anchor to our thinking. So God persuaded us that we were called to physically discipline our children.

[24:38] So then that left us with the question how do I do this in ways that are appropriate? In ways that are not abusive.

[24:50] In ways that are not cruel and unkind. In ways that actually provide biblical instruction.

[25:07] So I want to give you some steps to take. First is you want to take your child to a private place.

[25:18] I think of it this way. Discipline is not a spectator sport.

[25:28] We want we don't want the other children observing why the child gets disciplined. So you want to provide your child with the dignity of privacy.

[25:45] We want to provide our children the dignity of privacy. And so you can speak to them privately. Now I know that if you're a mom with a three-year-old and an 18-month-old you're going to have to try to work that out.

[26:01] Because while you're disciplining the three-year-old the 18-month-old can make a mess it'll take three days to clean up.

[26:13] But in general principles we want to provide privacy to our child.

[26:26] Number two we want to tell him specifically what it is that he has done wrong. So the discipline is always tied to a specific instance of a failure to obey or honor mom and dad.

[26:50] Daddy told you to pick up your toys didn't he? You did not obey daddy did you? So the child knows this discipline is related to the failure to pick up the toys.

[27:10] What you don't want to do is give a general all-purposes spanking at the end of the day. I've had it with you you haven't been listening to me all day you're going to get it now.

[27:28] Because what's the energy behind that discipline? I'm angry. That's when you're going to be excessive and harmful in what you do.

[27:38] number three I want to secure an acknowledgement from the child. In third lugar I want to secure an acknowledgement from the child.

[27:51] with the child. Now with a little child it might just be a nod. With the little child it might just be a nod. Daddy told you to pick up your toys didn't he?

[28:01] You did not obey daddy did you? So daddy's going to have to discipline you. So we want to secure an acknowledgement from the child.

[28:14] Queremos recibir un reconocimiento de parte de nuestros hijos. And then number four I want to remind him of my objective. Número cuatro yo quiero recordarles mi objetivo.

[28:25] And that's really reminding him of that circle we looked at a moment ago with the two arrows in it. Recordarles el círculo que mostramos un atrás con las dos flechas. You are outside the circle right now.

[28:37] Tú estás fuera del círculo ahora. That's a dangerous place for you to be. And I love you too much to leave you there. And so daddy's going to discipline you because I want to bring you back inside the circle.

[28:55] So I'm reminding him of my objective. Then I want to tell him how many swats he's going to receive.

[29:06] Y entonces le voy a decir cuántas veces le voy a pegar. Now I think this is a very important signal to the child. Esto es muy importante, una señal muy importante para el niño.

[29:16] That I'm under control. Que yo estoy controlado. Daddy, and he knows what to expect. Y él sabe qué está esperando. Daddy's going to give you two swats. El papá te va a dar dos veces.

[29:26] Or three swats. Te va a pegar tres veces. Whatever is appropriate. Cualquiera que sea apropiado. And it'll be different with different children. Y va a ser distinto con cada niño. One of our sons had a leather bottom.

[29:43] Uno de nuestros hijos tenía la parte trasera que parecía que era de piel, de cuero, duro. It was made out of the stuff they make saddles out of. Estaba hecho de las cosas con que hacen las cosas, la silla de los caballos.

[29:54] And he was not easily impressed. Y él no se impresionaba fácilmente. So he required more. He requería más. We had another one that was so compliant when he saw the pattern he was compliant.

[30:09] When he saw he was going to be spanked, he was compliant. Y ya cuando el otro veía que lo iban a disciplinar, ya estaban queriendo bedecer. So he required less. Se quería menos. You can take all those things into account.

[30:21] Cada esa cosa usted la toma en consideración. Then, number six. Numero seis. We have to remove his trousers.

[30:31] Now, let me give you this caveat. If you're dealing with a little child, a child where you care for his hygiene needs, so you make sure he's clean if he uses a toilet, you bathe him, you change his diapers, then it won't be an embarrassment for you to see his bottom when you discipline him because you see his bottom every day in the course.

[31:13] No sería una vergüenza para el niño que usted le vea su parte trasera porque ustedes siempre lo están haciendo mirándolo todo el tiempo. If the child is old enough that he cares for his own hygiene, and he bathes himself and takes care of yourself, then you want to leave the underwear on.

[31:32] Ustedes le van a dejar sus pantaloncillos o su parte interior, ropa interior. You don't want your child to have any sense of shame or embarrassment. Para que sus hijos no se sientan avergonzados. But you do want to be sure that the discipline is not being lost on the padding of his pants.

[31:50] Now, after discipline, I want to restore this child. This is such an important part of the process.

[32:07] When our kids were little, I would spank them in our bedroom.

[32:18] That's where we usually disciplined them. We had a rocking chair. And I would afterwards, I would take them on my lap and I would rock them.

[32:31] And I would say to them, Daddy loves you very much. And I hate to spank you.

[32:46] In fact, I hope that I never have to spank you again. I told them that hundreds of times. I meant it every time.

[33:02] And by and by the day came when I didn't have to spank anymore. I've not disciplined any of my children for 40 decades.

[33:16] I'm here as a testimony to the fact it's really not what you're going to do for the rest of your life. It's for a fairly narrow window in the child's development.

[33:27] And we'll talk more about that in a minute. Now, I'm trying to restore this child and assure him of my love.

[33:38] I'm trying to restore this child and assure him of my love. But sometimes our children are not willing to be restored. But many times our children don't want to be restored. Maybe he's calling for his mother for help.

[33:53] Or he's making himself like a board so he slides off my lap. Or he's turning his face away from me. Or he's telling me he doesn't like me.

[34:05] If he's signaling to me that he's not restored, then something is wrong.

[34:19] In terms of that diagram with the circle and the two arrows in it, he's still outside the circle. And so there are two things I need to check.

[34:38] The first thing I need to check is my spirit in the spanking. Maybe I was too angry.

[34:50] And I was squeezing him too hard as I dragged him into the bedroom. And I might have even gotten myself under control so I wouldn't do anything that left marks on him.

[35:03] But I was very angry. And now I'm trying to say I love you and everything's okay.

[35:17] And he's not sure he wants to be loved by me right now. That's very understandable. So if I've sinned against my child with sinful anger, I need to seek forgiveness.

[35:34] Please forgive me. You needed to be disciplined. But daddy should not have disciplined you in anger. It was wrong for me to do that.

[35:51] Please forgive me. I should have first quieted my heart before God before I disciplined you. The other thing I need to check is the child spirit.

[36:02] The other thing I need to check is the child spirit. Maybe he's just still outside the circle. My one son who had the leather bottom.

[36:12] My son who had the back was hard like a silla of horse. Sometimes I would say to him, Daddy's going to have to spank you again because you're not sweet enough yet.

[36:25] Your father will have to discipline you again because you're not sweet enough yet. Obviously I'm not going to keep spanking him forever. I need to signal in some way that the child has not submitted something is wrong.

[36:40] But I need to to have to have to somethindo a algo that is wrong. And then finally we want to pray with our children and for our children. There's a very tender moment when you've disciplined a three-year-old and he's sitting on his lap and you're hugging him and telling him you love him and he's still kind of sobbing like they do when they've been spanked.

[37:12] and he's still trying to survive the discipline that's a tender moment for the gospel. That's a tender moment for the gospel.

[37:22] You say to this child, honey, daddy loves you. You say to this child, honey, daddy loves you. And I want you to be a little boy who obeys God.

[37:33] And daddy's going to pray for you. and I'm going to pray for daddy. And I'm going to pray for daddy. I'm going to pray that I will be a wise daddy who disciplines you in appropriate ways.

[37:49] And I'm going to pray that God will help your heart to submit to God. You don't want to lose that moment. Now I want to respond to some frequently asked questions.

[38:02] And maybe I'll answer your questions. If I don't, I will provide an opportunity probably the next time if you have more questions.

[38:20] When do you spank? What is a spanking issue? Imagine this with me.

[38:31] Imagine this with me. I have a three-year-old son. An 18-month-old daughter. A 18-month-old daughter. He pushes her over, grabs her toy, and takes her toy from her.

[38:45] He pushes her and pushes her and takes her toy from her. She's left crying. He doesn't care because he has the toy. Now, I'm not going to discipline him for that.

[39:05] I'm going to correct him. I'm going to say to him, no, no, no, you can't take your sister's toy. No, no, no, you can't take your sister's toy. Your sister was playing with that.

[39:16] It's not right for you to take it from her. You must give it back to her. Why am I not going to discipline him for that?

[39:29] Because I'm not going to discipline him for that. Because taking the toy from his sister was just impulsive behavior of a three-year-old. He's an impulsive three-year-old.

[39:45] He sees something he wants, he takes it. He's not being defiant against parental authority. He's just being an impulsive three-year-old.

[40:00] He's just being an impulsive child of three-year-old. I'm going to correct him. I'm going to use the language of the heart to correct him. I'm going to use the language of the heart to correct him.

[40:11] I want him to understand my concern is more profound than just the fact that he took the toy. And of course, with a three-year-old, I can't ask him what his motivations were.

[40:28] And of course, with a three-year-old, I can't ask him what his motivations were. Because he lacks insight into motivation. He lacks vocabulary for describing it.

[40:40] He can't respond to the question why did you do that. So I'm going, but I want to talk to him about his heart. But I want to talk to him about his heart.

[40:50] So I want to say to him, honey, you're not being kind to your sister. You're being unkind. You're not serving her.

[41:03] You're serving yourself. You're not loving her. You're loving you. You must give the toy back to your sister.

[41:15] Now, if he gives the toy back, there's no need for discipline. If he refuses to give it back, then we might end up with discipline. But it won't be because he took the toy to begin with.

[41:35] It'll be because he did not obey when I told him to give it back to your sister. So I think with little children, we want to keep the focus very, very tight.

[41:51] I discipline for failure to honor, failure to obey mom and dad. There are a lot of other things that involve correction. With preschoolers, you're correcting them all the time.

[42:11] Because they're always doing things that are inappropriate. No, no, no, put that down. You can't climb up there. Leave her alone.

[42:22] You're always giving direction and you're correcting. We want to save discipline for defiant behavior. What do you use?

[42:39] I have no strong opinion about this. the question is only there because it's a frequently asked questions. I think I like these little paddles with the rubber band and the rubber ball.

[42:59] And you could get that for your children and say, here, children, I brought you something. this is a gift that will keep on giving. After a few days, the rubber band will break.

[43:13] You'll have something you could use. I have no strong opinions about this.

[43:24] I don't understand the people that say, I never want to spank with my hand because I love with my hand. That does not make sense to me.

[43:40] Because spanking is not something I do when I stop loving. It's a profound expression of love.

[43:53] When is a child old enough? When he's old enough to understand your words and not obey. That's when the discipline process will begin.

[44:10] It'll probably be before he's talking. Maybe one day you say to your child, okay, let's pick up the toys and put them in the toy box.

[44:25] He picks them all up. Oh, there's another one over there. he goes and gets out. Good job, buddy. Give me a high five. So this kid understands those words.

[44:40] The next day, okay, it's time to pick up the toys and put them in the toy box. He's not doing it. He understands the words, he's just not going to do it today.

[44:54] That's when the discipline process is going to begin. What if I'm too angry? If you have an anger problem, you know that.

[45:09] If you think you're marginal, ask your spouse. If you have a problem with anger, you have to covenant with your spouse and your children.

[45:20] I will never discipline until I first quiet my heart before God. Don't trust yourself when you're angry.

[45:36] What if we're not at home? In our culture, if we're not at home, I would not discipline my child. I have a son who's 56 years old.

[45:53] When he was a two-year-old, I would discipline him in the supermarket if he needed to. But I lived in a very different culture than you live in.

[46:06] I would not do that today. So, if you're not at home, you can overlook things that you would not overlook if you were at home. Or you might say, I'm sorry, we'll come back another day, you can go home and take care of business.

[46:25] Or, well, I'm going to have to go back to home to solve this dilemma, this problem. People say to me, but if I do that, then my children will know when we're visiting somebody, I can do anything I want.

[46:39] if they're that clever, they'll remember when you get home. And you can say, we have some unfinished business to take care of.

[47:01] What if he didn't hear me? One of my kids had this hearing problem. He said, Daddy, I didn't hear you. He said, son, I was three feet from you.

[47:16] If I had whispered at that moment, would you like some ice cream? You would have heard me. So, since you didn't hear me, I'm not going to discipline you for disobeying.

[47:32] I'm going to discipline you for not hearing me. And after that, his hearing problem closed up. When is a child too old?

[47:48] I don't know the answer to this question. I've always been unwilling to give an age and say, after this age, you should never spend. I don't want to be on record, but I'll make this observation.

[48:08] A physical discipline is very effective with little children. They want to avoid it. It gets their attention.

[48:21] It humbles them. It gives weight to your words. they give weight to your words. It's very effective with little children. When they get older, they get more stoic about it.

[48:33] And they figure out if I stiffen all my muscles, it doesn't hurt quite as much. And they figure out how to deal with it.

[48:43] try to lid with it. So I think it's most effective with little children. What if it doesn't work? What if it doesn't work? The primary reason why it doesn't work is because parents discipline in anger.

[49:00] And there's this sense of justice in the child that says, I will not submit to this angry, out-of-control person.

[49:17] Now, they might even respond out of fear. But they're not really submitting to your authority. can I use time out instead?

[49:36] And I think we cannot trade what God calls us to for man's ideas. I've had many people say to me, oh, I love the teaching, love the circle, but can I just use time out?

[49:54] I love your explanation about the circle, but what if I can use retenicciones of time? We need to trust God and obey God.

[50:04] We need to trust God and obey God. And put our minds under the mind of God. What about special needs kids? If you have a special needs child, you're going to have to take that into account in terms of how you try to discipline your child.

[50:24] with physical issues and I would not urge you to make a kind of legalistic structure out of what I've been teaching.

[50:37] And I don't want to commit to a legalistic in what I've taught with that children. But you're going to have to think through how do I apply these principles to my child that doesn't respond in the way other children respond.

[50:52] What about adoption or foster care? In most cases if you adopt or do foster care you have to sign a statement that you will not physically discipline.

[51:11] If you're willing to have a child adopted or with the foster you have to sign a document that you don't discipline it as Christians if we make that kind of an agreement we have to honor that agreement.

[51:30] So we might say to this child this foster child the best thing I could do for you right now would be to discipline you. But I'm not able to so we're going to do this instead.

[51:50] Another question is if I listen to what you say all I would ever do is spank my children.

[52:02] If I listen to what you're saying then all I will ever do is be disciplined. That's all I'll do all day. And you might have a few days like that.

[52:18] But if you're consistent in disciplining them when they're disobedient, they will realize there's some new winds blowing here.

[52:32] And they will their behavior begin to respond. What if it's too late? I've had parents come to me and say I wish I would have heard this 10 years ago, 15 years ago.

[52:53] Now I have children that are 12, 14, 16 years of age. And we've never actually taught them to obey. And we just yell at them when we're upset at them and our family life is a mess.

[53:12] And I always urge parents, go home and teach these things to your kids. You could spend a whole week in family worship just on this chart.

[53:31] What does it mean to obey? Talk about that. Obedecer. The next night, what does it mean to honor father and mother? What does it mean you will enjoy long life?

[53:48] What does it mean it'll go well with you? Why is this a circle of blessing? So teach those things to your children. And then you can say, in light of what we've learned, this can say, this is what we will expect from you.

[54:08] This is what you may expect from us. And I've seen parents get a hold of these truths and have their family life transformed by them.

[54:23] I will start the next session with any questions that might be left over from this way. Let me pray with you. Father, we pray that the words of our mouths and the meditation of our hearts would be acceptable in your sight.

[54:41] We ask this for Christ's glory. Amen.